Life.....Does It Ever Stay "Normal?"

Man, we had some grueling, long and painful weeks this past month. Matt was home from work for 3 and a half weeks all together because of his pneumonia. June 20th to July 14th, 2009 were some of the hardest days ever. I've been the sick one many a time in life, both mentally and physically. But being the caregiver for the patient was a whole new challenge. The struggle of feeling helpless and not being able to fix him was terrible!!! I felt so sad for him and worried and concerned and the pit in my stomach would not go away. I was scared that this would turn into something more serious. I'm still worried today about his health, but as we slip back into life its easy to forget those items I bartered with the Lord about. I remember being in the hospital and pleading with God to make Matt okay. I promised to be as perfect as possible if he would just bless my honey to get better! I didn't know if the other shoe was going to drop and something would show up on all those x-rays and scans and ultra sounds and blood work. It was really freakin hard to see the man you love sick in the hospital for 6 days! I know some of you have endured far worse with health struggles, but for us this was "yuck" and a huge heart wrenching time. It was our mountain to climb.

I was there with him every night and every day. He didn't want me to leave and so I took one for the team and "slept" on my tiny 2 foot sofa every night while he was in the hospital bed. What an adventure we had. He got sick on June 20th like I said in the other post. Was in bed all weekend and then into the ER the following Thursday, they wouldn't keep him. Then back on Friday because he kept getting worse. Still sent us home after more fluids and medicine. When he wasn't able to catch his breadth and breathe and couldn't eat a thing and his fever was still 103 by Saturday I prayed and prayed and talked with our Doctor and family and a friend Leslie (who's Hubby works in the ER) who gave great advice, (thank you Leslie) and so we took him in AGAIN for the 3rd time to the ER at Kadlec Hospital in Richland. This time they took us seriously and were a little shocked that he was actually getting worse and a lot worse. The final diagnosis was his virus had turned in to REALLY BAD PNEUMONIA complicated by his asthma and they discovered a gallstone which has now traveled into his cystic duct (seeing the surgeon on Thursday he was too sick to have the operation in the hospital then) and due to being in the hospital contracted a staph infection, Mersa. The infection was treated and he had no negative symptoms thank goodness. They finally let us out of "Hell" on July 2nd late in the evening.

I felt like we were breaking out of prison. It was such a relief and felt so good to be home. Holding my sweetheart and children that weekend and being under the same roof was amazingly blissful. Oh how I had missed that.
The pneumonia is much better today and he returned to work on July 14th. I'm still worried that he is going too hard too soon but he's determined and needs to be well and working. I'm doing the best I can to support him and even forget that he still is recovering. I bargained with God that if Matt could just be well I would be as perfect as possible and not fight or squabble or anything with My Matthew. But the natural man is hard to shirk off. I'm still more dedicated spiritually which helps immensely. This little trial has put life and the relationships I have with people in a whole new light. Matt's Mom Cherie was amazing through all of this. I had to call her in the middle of the night to come down and be with the kids and she didn't bat an eye and came. She was my Godsend and with us every day. Thank you Cherie! Too bad a happy incident didn't bring us closer! All of Matt's family was amazing. And the help from friends and all of the priesthood blessings and prayers and love and support from my fam down in Utah and his name in the temple in 2 states, All of it...Thank you. Wow, Thank you everybody! I know this was what got him better.

And so I thought it would be good to get these thoughts and feelings written down so I can know that even though this was a really difficult and trying time for us......we survived. My brain actually survived. Matt's health survived. I did not break down with my mental illness. That in and of itself was a miracle. I missed the kids like crazy through all this but they did great bouncing from friend to family. Elsie thought it was fun and wanted to know during it "who's house do I get to go to tomorrow?" I pray and hope that we don't take life for granted. It's so fragile. I'm glad that my honey is much better and if you catch me whining or yelling or complaining about Matt or the kids or life, just say "Alicia, remember your bargaining in the hospital?" It's hard to remember. The pride cycle right? Well, as long as I keep trying, guess that'll have to do. We even made it to church on Sunday for the first time in a month because Matt was sick. It felt so good to be there. And the temple last week was just what I'd been missing. There, my ramblings about this, for now are done.....Thank you for life Father in Heaven. ...it truly is a gift.

My poor Sick Sweetie and his lovely wife.the best mom-in-law and mother to her son, CherieThis amazing invention called a shampoo cap. It shampoos your hair without water!

See, he's looking better after a "shower" with his cap on.
That's me, his care partner.

The kids came to visit and lounged on my blue sofa. Can you believe I slept on that for 6 nights?

And now we're all home again...... Safe and sound. Just the way I like it!